Fur therapy

I am a very, very bad blogger, indeed. No post in weeks – I know. You see, things have been a little rough lately, and it’s been harder to foster my whimsical, creative side.

In an effort to combat this problem, I’ve decided to get another cat.

I know what you’re thinking. “You said you were only going to stick with one cat because you didn’t want to become a crazy cat lady!” Yes, yes, I know. I said that. Sometimes people say things they don’t mean, darlings. Sad, but true.

Besides, TheWCC has been super lonely since the ex moved out (and took his one year old kitty with him), and I just can’t bare to see him so distraught. Not that I’m a “cat whisperer,” but sometimes you just know when your pet is a little melancholy. I feel guilty leaving the house to go to work (to put food in his dish and to pay for the fleecey blankets he adores), so I decided enough is enough. I’m getting him a companion.

Sidenote: Right before I bought my condo, I was desperately searching for a new apartment since my lease was going to be up and they wanted to raise my rent by $80/month (“pond view” my ass). Since the lovely apartment I was living in had a big screened in porch, which TheWCC absolutely loved, one of the search criteria was that the new place have a screened in porch, too. Except all of those kinds of places were super expensive, and I said to my family, “But WCC needs a screened in porch!” and my dad eloquently replied, “Then TheWCC can go out and get himself a damn job to PAY for the porch!” Needless to say, my condo does not have a screened in porch.

So, I’m thinking a six month old little girl kitty will do both of us some good. At least that is the plan.

Although, I’m not exactly sure I’m excited about the prospect of dating again and having to explain that I am a 34 year old divorcee with 2 cats. I might as well put “Large” as my body type and shoot myself in the head now. Oh, I know; it’s not that bad. (I’m a little dramatic sometimes, what can I say?) But, I say this because I’ve managed to meet several men who said they “liked” cats, but what they meant to say is, “I tolerate them so I can get some pussy.” Not the same thing, sorry.

And is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that one cat seems to be the limit? Men can have two, three dogs and it’s never an issue. But if a single woman has multiple pets – CATS, even? No dice. You’re going to end up a spinster who will get coffee mugs with pictures of cats on them for the rest of your life. Since, you know, you’re one of those “cat people,” and you clearly must like everything – from books to calendars to t-shirts – all with pictures of cats on them.

But, I digress.

I’m going through a local rescue organization (the same place I found TheWCC), and they tell me they have just the right cat for me. I have yet to meet her (even though they’ve tried to hoist a few others on me who I did not bond with – Note: just because they’re pretty doesn’t mean they aren’t bitey). But, I’m holding on to hope that the right one will come along.

Hmm, getting a new pet is an awful lot like dating when you break it down. Perhaps I should re-think this…

Random Observations

While I was checking out my blog here (because I am an egomaniac), I noticed that if you hover your mouse over the “More Pictures” link on my Flickr photos, you can see pictures of me. Pictures that I set to “Friends/Family only.” Interesting. I mean, I don’t mind my readers seeing what I look like, although my first thought was, “I should be more mysterious.” After all, this is a new blog, and I could potentially have some new readers.

Then again, for those of you who already know me, you know that I hold almost nothing back. So, if you’re feeling kicky, go ahead and check me out.

(Yes, I am aware that I just put in an utterly shameless plug for myself. I’m allowed, right?)

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Last night, I decided to go through my CD’s to figure out which ones I wanted to import into iTunes so I could slap ‘em on my iPod. Since Stan interfaces so beautifully with my old school iPod, I’ve been rockin’ out to such classics as Frank Sinatra, The Police, Bette Midler, Ben Folds Five, Snoop Dog, Keane, Destiny’s Child, The Shins, and Alanis Morrisette (just to name a few – I told you I was eclectic).

What I added was one of the many works by Me First and the Gimme Gimme’s, Frou Frou/Imogene Heap (I adore her voice), Badly Drawn Boy (the cat seemed to really enjoy The Hour of Bewilderbeast, but he did NOT care for Have You Fed The Fish? – I agree with his assessment), Violent Femmes (the cat also seemed to dig Add It Up), Lauryn Hill, Silverchair (Frogstomp – hey, it reminds me of my college days), and a few others I can’t think of at the moment.

During this mission, it was discovered that my most recent live-in ex-boyfriend must have pilfered my special, live EP, Jeff Buckley CD (as well as his Grace CD). “Livid” does not exactly sum up my thoughts on this turn of events. If I weren’t such a lady, I’d let loose with the exact string of profanities I belted out last night. Suffice it to say that the next time I even consider combining my household with someone else, I will start with an exact inventory of all CD’s and DVD’s in my possession.

I mean, really. Who does that? Although, what should I expect? He hacked into my old diary and read my emails just because I had the audacity to trust him around my computer when I wasn’t home. Silly me.

(However, if it turns out that he wasn’t the kleptomaniac I think he is, I will publicly apologize in this blog for ever saying such a nasty thing about him. In the mean time, I’m sticking with my theory that he took them. I guess I should be flattered – a music snob such as him NOT having these in his collection already shows that I can actually have some taste. I noticed he did not touch my Justin Timberlake CD….)

Back to my point – I now have approximately 4 Gigs of music on my iPod (and loads of CD’s still left to import!), which equals about 2.2 days of solid musical enjoyment. I think Stan needs a road trip.

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Do you know what’s fun? Trying to explain the purpose of text messaging to my 79 year old great uncle.

“Why don’t you just dial the phone and call the person? Wouldn’t that be easier?”

“Well, no, not really. Sometimes you just want a quick answer without having to go through a whole conversation. Or sometimes you need to deliver a message to someone, but you’re in a location where it would be rude to talk. Or sometimes you’re running low on minutes and if you have unlimited text messages, you don’t have to worry about any extra charges.”

“But wouldn’t you just turn your phone off if you couldn’t talk?”

“Not necessarily – you may be able to answer a text message, but not have the time to talk.”

“I still don’t get it. You kids are crazy.”

“Well, here’s an example – last year I went to a seminar where one of the showcased speakers was a business owner who lost almost his entire business in Hurricane Katrina. He discussed disaster planning, and one of the most important things he discovered was that all of his managers should have known how to text message. Because even when phone calls wouldn’t go through, text messages could so they could keep in contact and make sure everyone was OK.”

*crickets chirping*

“I still don’t get it.”

Granted, I didn’t get on the text messaging bandwagon until about 2 years ago. I thought for sure I’d never understand it (even though I do have technological proclivities, seeing as how I’m a glorified help desk chick Systems Administrator and all), but eventually I got the hang of it.

And I have to say, those AT&T commercials with the kids and grandmother who talk in “text speak” and the mother who says, “I’ve completely failed you as a parent” crack me up. Because honestly, ROTFL is not a word.

(I apologize for any 13 year old girls who may be offended by reading this. You’ll understand when you get to be my age. I’m so “hey you kids! get offa my lawn!” right now. What can I say. It happens.)

Ode to Stan

Since I’m absolutely not a poet, this is more like a bunch of random, semi poetic thoughts about my car rather than an actual “Ode.” Personally, I just like the word “ode.”

That bitch, Big Tina, left me high and dry, but Stan swooped in – all black and shiny – to be by my side.

With nifty new features like “Sync” and better gas mileage, I knew he and I would be totally simpatico.

It makes me laugh to hear the computerized “Sync” voice say, “Playing track – Drop It Like It’s Hot,” and it’s extra special neat when I use the Bluetooth option so people can look over at me and think I’m talking to myself.

Awesome.

I promise to take care of you, Stan, and take you to the dealership for all of your scheduled maintenance (even though my dad always told me that the dealerships rip you off – then again, he never had a car for more than 3 years, so who needs to worry about flushing the transmission?), and I promise to fix you right away if you ever get into an altercation with another vehicle.

I’ll even wash AND wax you more than Big Tina, too (silver just wasn’t her color).

So, if you promise to take care of me, I’ll take care of you, too. Got it?

Love,

Me.

*For those of you who don’t know who Stan is, he is my new car. A black, 4 door, 2008 Ford Fusion. I named him as a sort of weird tribute to my father, who always appreciated the humor of South Park … Especially the episode where Kyle and Stan were camping, and Kyle would say, “Hey Stan, wanna know what I think?” and then he’d fart. They’d laugh. That was my dad – always burping or farting at random times, which *I* thought was funny, but it horrified my mother. So I’ll always remember my dad and his sense of humor, I named the car “Stan.” For him.

A stranger telling you her life story

Just to get this party started here, I thought I’d do one of those “lists” that all the kids are doing these days. So, now you can get a general idea about who you’re reading here.

1.) I have a cat. I’m not going to tell you his real name, but from now on I’ll just call him WorldsCutestCat(tm) or “WCC” for short. I only have one because I’m afraid I’ll become that “crazy cat lady,” but I’m afraid another one may be required to keep WCC company.

2.) I’ve been known to say “I just want to bite him!” (mostly in reference to WCC, or cute animals in general)

3.) I’ve been divorced now for almost 5 years.

4.) I don’t have any kids. I like to think that I like kids, but maybe I don’t? Or perhaps I just don’t like MOST kids? I haven’t decided. I mean, I feel bad to say that I don’t like kids because there are some kids I really do like. I think.

5.) I’ve been on so many diets over the years that I’ve lost track. I’ve been successful with Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, and now I just do my own thing because it’s all about portion control and making good choices. (Do I sound like an after school special or what?)

6.) My favorite color is usually green. It could also be yellow, purple, blue, orange or pink, given my mood.

7.) My favorite dessert is Tiramisu.

8.) I love playing the card game euchre. I’m in leagues off and on, but for some reason I just can’t find a group that meets regularly.

9.) I have a twin sister, but we are not identical. She has an entirely different personality than I do. (She got most of the selfish, greedy, bitch-on-wheels traits. Notice I said “most of” because I’m not blameless. Oh, no.)

10.) I actually like my parents.

11.) I wasn’t beaten or abused growing up.

12.) My dad just passed away unexpected on February 4th, 2008. He was only 61 years old. I’m having a very hard time adjusting to life without my dad.

13.) I love onions.

14.) I love guacamole.

15.) If I’m going to eat candy (which is rare, see # 5.), it’s going to be something with “Reeses” in the name.

16.) I’m a peanutbutter-a-holic.

17.) I have eclectic musical tastes.

18.) I’m not trendy, but I am comfortable with my existence.

19.) I’m a “girly girl” only in the sense that I wear makeup (and am addicted to buying it – and beauty products in general) and spend more than 1 minute on my hair (I spend about 15-20 minutes on my hair).

20.) I love Sephora.

21.) I wear glasses because I’m near-sided (can’t see far), but I’m not required to wear them.

22.) For some reason I cannot wear sunglasses. I don’t like how dark it makes everything (which, if you’re wearing sunglasses, is the point. Go figure.)

23.) I love winter – the snow, not the ice. I own cross country skiis which I like to use, but due to my location, is very rare these days. Thank you, global warming.

24.) My favorite TV shows are currently Pushing Daisies, Chuck, Dexter, Sex & The City (even though it is no longer on), Law & Order SVU, and pretty much any of the Bravo reality shows (Tim Gunn is my hero).

25.) I’m an avid reader with an eclectic mix of genres.

26.) Deep down I’m lazy, but I fight against it.

27.) I always arrive somewhere at least 20 minutes before I’m supposed to.

28.) I’m scared of spiders and other insects.

29.) I’m a recovering doormat.

30.) I don’t smoke, but I have in the past.

31.) I’m easy to get along with.

32.) Strangers seem to talk to me frequently.

33.) I don’t drink alcohol anymore … well, I wouldn’t say “never” but that incident of overindulgence on my 32nd birthday really slowed my roll. (No more vodka mixers that taste like fruit punch. Oy.)

34.) I say the word “fuck” too much.

35.) My friends and family think I’m very funny.

36.) I dislike my job, but I’m glad to have a steady paycheck.

37.) I hate to throw up and am terrified of doing so.

38.) I used to collect snow globes and model horses. Now I don’t collect anything because snow globes tend to lose their water (somehow) over the years, and then they become useless. Plus, I don’t like collecting “stuff” anymore. I used to, before I started moving almost every year.

39.) I don’t plan on moving any time soon because I finally settled down and bought a condo about 2 years ago. Now I’m a homeowner … which means that I’m responsible for fixing everything that breaks instead of being able to call someone else to do it. But, the tax break isn’t bad.

40.) I’ve always wanted to go to Italy.

41.) I’m a relationship pariah. I’ve spent the last several years (post-divorce) doing the “online personals” thing with mixed success. I have loads of funny (scary, ridiculous) stories to share, as I’m sure I’ll put in this blog eventually. Overall though, I haven’t been in a relationship that lasted longer than 8 months since I got divorced. I’m catnip for witty intellectual men that don’t have a pot to piss in.

42.) In November, I broke up with the man I dated for 8 months. He lived with me, and I was actually engaged to him. Briefly. Then things changed drastically, and, well, I’m no going to blast him on the Internet, but suffice it to say that things did NOT work out. You never truly know someone until you live with them.

43.) I’m currently single. I don’t mind being single, and I’ll probably stay this way for a while.

44.) I listen to NPR.

45.) I have red hair (I was born blond, but my fair skin makes it possible for me to live on the wild side).

46.) I have hazel eyes that change color (blue, green, grey, any mixture of those three).

47.) In certain areas of my life, I’m a control freak.

48.) I’m a loyal, honest, and trustworthy friend.

49.) I know everyone says this, but I really do not like the word “moist.” However, I don’t seem to have a problem with the word “cunt.”

50.) I did Junior Theater on the side when I was in middle school.

51.) Right after high school, I was picked to do full figure modeling by a talent scout from New York.

52.) I was in a performing ballet company from the age of 5 until I was 15 years old.

53.) I didn’t go to prom.

54.) I’m 33 years old, soon to be 34.

55.) I graduated from college with a degree in Sociology and a double minor in Psychology and Pop Culture. I’m now qualified to ask, “Do you want fries with that?”

56.) I’m currently a Systems Admin with extensive experience in accounting and payroll.

57.) I want to go back to college, but I don’t know what graduate degree I’d want.

58.) I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.

59.) I’ve seen NSYNC in concert (by choice).

60.) I don’t hold grudges.

61.) I love animals, and I have volunteered at local shelters.

62.) Sometimes I have trouble with spelling and grammar, but I don’t need no stinkin’ spell check.

63.) I’ve named my last two vehicles – the last one (that blew up on me recently) was named Big Tina – a silver Hyundai Santa Fe, and my brand new car (as of Feb 2008) is a black Ford Fusion named Stan.

And so it begins..

Welcome to the jungle.

Try to keep up. Heh.